Since arriving home (Malaysia), I have been impacted a number of different times. The first one was this past Sunday. The sermon in church was about worship. Pastor was discussing how sadly worship has become more about us instead of glorifying the Lord. Worship is about recognizing God for who He is! Often times, especially in the U.S., people pick a church based off of the music they play. Some say that the music is too loud, too soft, too upbeat, too slow, etc. Perhaps it's time we examine our hearts. Why are you at church? To get a feeling? Worship is NOT about us: it's about recognizing God for who He is! That last statement was worth repeating. When I look for a church to attend, it is about hearing the Truth preached from the Bible. Whether or not the music is exactly to my liking is beside the point.
Also, worship is NOT just music. We should strive to worship God all the time. We can worship God through our daily tasks because it is an attitude. I can cut out my laminated name tags and worship Christ while doing so. The Bible says whatever you do, do as if unto the Lord.
In addition to thinking about worship, this morning in our combined staff gathering I was impacted by something I had heard before. Our director was discussing themes from years past. Then it hit me: humility. Stop and think about what that word means. Humility is self worth without arrogance. Humility is NOT self denigration, lack of confidence, etc. Humility is the opposite of entitlement and pride.
What struck me was the phrase, "not self denigration..." Simply stated, being humble does not mean you put yourself down. One way we try to be humble is we say that we are not good at things. This whole notion threw me into a whirlwind. This is something I have struggled with since middle school. I have been walking the fine line of being humble and putting myself down. It all started back in middle/high school. As hard as it may be to believe, I was not popular. When I started attending the public school it was hard for me to find where I fit in. When I finally was able to get into a group of friends, I realized I was the butt of many jokes. Because I was naive, I made an easy target. Then I figured that it was better to join them and beat them to the punch. When I did that, it did not hurt as bad when they said it. It was a coping mechanism that still is with me today. While I have grown up and changed, it is still ingrained. Sometimes I catch myself putting myself down. How dare I do that? When I put myself down in any way, I am insulting God's creation. In Jeremiah we read that we are wonderfully and fearfully made, knitted together in our mother's womb. God created us with purpose and design. My personality, looks, intelligence, etc. were not given to me by accident.
As I thought about this through the day, I realized I needed to ponder this more. Humility. With the Lord's help, I will be able to break the cycle of self denigration. He is the Healer and can heal even me.