Looking back at my old posts, I realized I have not written in over a month! Where did October go? Time has flown since I arrived in Penang four months ago.
School is going well. My students have the day to day routine down pat and the classroom prep-work has become more bearable. My biggest daily problem is that my students talk too much in class. This is ironic since my parents were told by almost every one of my teachers, "Jodi is a good student. Talks too much in class." :)
Over a four day break in October I completely rearranged my classroom. My room was set up quickly in the first few days before school began. I was able to make it work; however, during the break I made my room feel bigger and more functional. *See my videos on Facebook for a virtual tour through my classroom.*
This past month many different people have opened up their homes to me for dinner and/or to play games. It has been nice having places to go, other than my apartment. Even though I have had these invitations, I still feel distant from everyone here. To be quite honest, I feel like I have not been able to truly be myself with anyone here yet. Since people here do not know me well yet, they will not understand why I may say or do certain things. I have found it difficult to share how I am feeling with people and lately I have been feeling quite disappointed in people. Some people have told me that they want to talk with me, but have not made time for us to do so. Since my mom passed away, many people have told me, "Let me know what I can do for you. I would love to help you anytime." Disappointment set in when friends did not come through on that promise. When I was in the States, that resulted in me packing up my classroom and apartment almost entirely alone. Thankfully some family members and three close family friends were able to help here and there. However, I was sad that people I consider to be close friends told me they were too tired to help, or should do homework... Some people here have said that they are too busy and have not offered time to talk on days when they could make time to do so.
What I have come to realize is that I am expecting people to do two things: do what they have promised and act how I would act. If someone tells me they will do something, I expect that they will do it. Also, if the situation was reversed, I would drop anything to help out a friend. Lately I have been learning that I need to let go of those expectations. Otherwise, continual disappointment is in my future.
Another difficult thing for me to deal with is being able to talk about how I am feeling, as I briefly mentioned before. Often times I have not mentioned my mom or talked about how I am doing. Most days it is easier not to think about my mom, my family back home, etc. The one person I told everything to is not able to talk with me any longer. The other people I wish to talk to in that way are 13-14 hours away by "phone." This makes it hard to talk often to my family and close friends back home.
One awesome piece of news is that there is a student teacher here from NYACK and she is here for 6 weeks. We have hung out a few times and I am sure there will be much more in the upcoming weeks. I am thankful God has provided another friend to hang out with on a regular basis. I am also thankful for my friend Heather who also works at Dalat. Her and I are the lone single ladies on campus. Even though we have completely opposite schedules, we work at trying to see each other some during the week (if possible), but especially on weekends. Also, I am thankful that Doug and Marsha Yost are still here. I lived with them during part of my time in Malaysia doing my student teaching.
God is teaching me to rely even more fully on Him. He has provided me with all that I need and then some. :) The song "Blessings" by Laura Story is one that sticks out in my mind. Blessings may be tears or trials of this life. God never said life was going to be easy. He said that He will never leave us, help us through it, and be blessed.
